Adventures In Parodyverse: Adult Education

Adventures In Parodyverse - Adult Education

    It was evening at the Lair Mansion when Liu Xi Xian happened to pass by the Lair Mansion Library. It didn't seem unusual passing by, it was simply a place she hadn't visited in quite a while. She entered and looked around quietly. The library's own ancient spectacled librarian sat at a desk with a lamp on it, quietly reading. The Lair Legion's Librarian was at a table across from her silently reading close to ten large tomes at once and taking notes.

    She entered and made her way past the librarian, and the Librarian, and past the shelves of books toward the back, where there was an open area with nothing but carpeting and chairs. It was usually used for story telling during tours run by Hatman for kids from the Zero Street Mission, or by Visionary during Juniors classes.

    Liu Xi planned to sit there in the middle of the floor after choosing a book so as not to be disturbed while reading. But someone had already taken her spot, and was obviously not doing any reading.

    Dreamcatcher Foxglove looked up when he saw a girl in jeans, white sneakers, and an untucked white shirt hanging over him. He looked up and recognized her immediately. "Hey, Liu Xi. C'mon, have a seat."

    She brushed one side of her long, jet black hair behind one ear and looked over what he was doing. Scattered on the floor were various adult magazines, sex toys, X-rated videos...and various varieties of condoms. "What are you doing?" she asked a little too loudly, sounding almost amused.

    "Shhh!" the librarian scolded her from her desk. The Librarian said nothing, but gave both Liu Xi and the librarian a disapproving look.

    "Go put out the fire at your desk!" Liu Xi told the librarian. Just as promised, the papers on the librarian's papers were smoldering.

    The librarian screamed and began beating down the smoking papers at her desk.

    "Do you mind?" the Librarian asked the librarian calmly. "Some of us have work to do."

    "Wow, I couldn't have done that better myself," Dream laughed. "And I'm an agent of chaos." He looked down at the items on the floor. "I'm supposed to teach a sex-ed class for the Juniors. It's a state requirement or something. Visionary passed out twice and was nearly taken to the hospital trying to teach it, so..." he pointed to himself.

    "Hmm." Liu Xi sat on the carpet cross-legged next to Dream. "You are doing this all wrong."

    "Hey, which one of us had sex in the last 24 hours?" Dream exclaimed. The librarian looked at him, but then remembered the fire and decided not to object.

    "I'll leave then." Liu Xi looked a little rejected as she began to stand again.

    "Wait." Dream urged her. He offered her a seat again. "C'mon, lighten up a little. Tell me...how am I doing this wrong?"

    She leaned over and quickly grabbed the magazines and videos, and tossed them into a pile. "Those are all about lust," she told him. "...which can hurt someone if it's not shared."

    When she looked at Dream again, he had a rather memorable horrified look. He leaned closer to her and whispered, "You have issues! What happened to you, Liu Xi?"

    Liu Xi unconsciously looked down and shrugged sadly, but didn't speak.

    "Hey, if a guy hurt you--"

    "It's none of your concern," she snapped, still looking away.

    "If you insist." Dream went back to sorting the items on the floor. "But if someone hurt you...a real man shares himself with a woman. He doesn't take from her."

    Liu Xi finally looked up. "You sound like Visionary," she said.

    "He can be smart sometimes," Dream admitted. "So...tell me what happened. And--" he caught Liu Xi, holding up her chin as she was about to turn away. "--don't look away, because you should always be proud of yourself."

    "Why are you doing this?" she asked slipping her face away from his hand. "Why do you want to know?"

    "Because you shrink away from any kind of intimacy and that's not healthy." He pointed to the items on the floor. "You discuss sex philosophically, as if it's something distant from you. That's not right." He leaned closer and added, "The Liu Xi I know would never let anyone take anything away from her again. Don't let this man who hurt you keep stealing from you."

    "You're trying to manipulate me," she pointed out.

    "I am," he admitted. "But why am I doing it? I don't need any cheering up, but you do. C'mon, talk to me. If anyone would understand, it would be me."

    Liu Xi looked at him again, the sadness in her eyes melting away. And then she told him. For the first time, oddly enough, without crying. She seemed confused that Dream hadn't reacted as Visionary or Kerry did...becoming visibly upset. Dream just remained calm until the very last word.

    "He was an ass," Dream quickly summarized. "Telling you that you weren't any good. If it was over so quick is was him that wasn't good at it."

    Liu Xi felt like giggling. She couldn't help it, there was something about the way Dream could change moods so quickly that changed hers as well.

    "You should have just torn off his wiener," Dream continued. "If he treats women like that he won't be needing it anyway."

    By that time, both the librarian and the Librarian were staring. They both gave up on their wordless crusade to silence Dream when they realized it wasn't working.

    "I burned him alive," Liu Xi whispered. "I didn't mean to but...I was very angry. I wished him to burn with all my heart...but I didn't think it would happen. I didn't know my abilities yet."

    "Y'know, it's better if you talk about it." Dream told her. "You have nothing to be ashamed of."

    "Even though I killed him?" Liu Xi asked.

    "A few of the LL'ers will have a problem with that," he said. "For a moment or two. But they'd also have a bigger problem with you being imported, nearly sold, 'test driven', and returned."

    "Test driven?" Liu Xi frowned at that analogy.

    Dream laughed. "Sorry. Just the language I'm used to. Point is no matter what any of us say...even Epitome...we're not here to hurt you or make fun of you. So y'know..." He gently eased his hands over Liu Xi's shoulders, feeling her tense but not pull away this time. Dream then began gently massaging her shoulders. "...let people touch you sometimes, cause it might be worth it."

    She didn't respond, her eyes were closed as she immersed herself in the massage and the relaxing sound of his voice.

    "Never been massaged before?" he asked.

    "When I was very small," she replied, her voice a near whisper. "I have given massages. But not received any."

    "So how about helping me prepare for this class?" Dream asked. "Cause...you know who my mom is. Things I say might be a little...advanced for the Juniors. I don't want to get busted like Visionary did."

    Liu Xi opened her eyes and looked at the collection of items on the ground as she was being massaged. She pushed aside the stack of magazines and videos again. "Not these," she said, "They are tasteless."

    "But they're excellent visual aids," he pointed out.

    "If you are used to them," she finished. She looked at Dream. "They are like fashion magazines. They raise expectations too high."

    "Hmm." Dream shoved them further aside. "Good point! Wow, you're good at this!"

    "The toys." She gave him a quick sly smile. "They won't teach anything but they will get you a laugh or two. Humor is good. Don't try to explain how they work, just show them."

    "So the toys are in?" Dream asked.

    "Mmmhmm." She nodded.

    "Know how to use any of these?"

    Liu Xi tried to suppress her smile at first, but then she couldn't help but laugh. "No," she replied. "I don't even know what they are." She interrupted him when he picked one item up and started to explain. "I don't want to know," she added as she urged him to put it down again.

    "Know what these are?" Dream held up a small plastic packet.

    "Yes." She tore one open and stretched out the latex contents. "A balloon." she immediately demonstrated by filling one with air and tying the open end.

    Dream was almost horrified at first, but then he smiled. "Oh, you're kidding. You little smart-ass." He laughed, and then laughed harder, along with Liu Xi, when he realized that the ancient librarian was standing over them, mouth hanging open, with a horrified expression on her face.

    "It's okay," Dream joked for the benefit of the librarian as he put his arm around Liu Xi and hugged her, "We're in love."

    Liu Xi shoved him, but not too violently, as soon as the librarian walked away. "Don't say that! She is a horrible gossip...Flapjack will be asking me about it later."

    "Really? Hmm." Dream shrugged.

    "Why are there so many condoms here?" Liu Xi asked. "So many will just confuse your class."

    "But there are so many varieties and flavors!" Dream gushed.

    "Flavors?" she wrinkled her nose at the thought of that.

    "You have to learn to be creative. Ever read the Kama Sutra?"

    She nodded. "I don't think most of that is even possible."

    "It's possible," Dream told her. "Just takes some creativity. Creativity is what makes sex more fun."

    "Hmm." Liu Xi pondered that for a moment. "You should say that to your class."

    "Good idea!" he replied.

    "When you said 'flavors'...did you mean literally?" Liu Xi asked. She picked up one of the packets and sniffed it. "Hmm," she wrinkled her nose as she put it down. "You have some odd hobbies."

    "Creative," Dream corrected.

    Liu Xi picked up another and held it up. "Wouldn't you feel silly wearing a pink one?" she asked.

    "It's supposed to increase the woman's pleasure," he told her. "Not the pink, I mean--"

    "I wouldn't know," she replied quickly.

    "Here." He handed it to him. "You can try it if you want."

    Liu Xi put it back down again and gave him a strange look. "I have no one to try it with."

    "I'm kinda proud of you." Dream leaned back as he spoke. "I mean, here you are looking at condoms and sex toys and you're not freaked out at all."

    "I went through weeks of training to become someone's wife," she explained. "I learned not to fear those things." She lowered her voice. "And I was taught that, in a new home, many things would be scary and unfamiliar, and it was up to me to deal with it." She smiled as she added, "Then all of that advice made sense when I lived with the Manga Shoggoth."

    "Hey...when we first met, you said you would be too much for me. That was an exaggeration, right?" Dream asked.

    Liu Xi smirked. "Maybe," she said. "Aside from my...inexperience...that is. I give excellent massages and I know the perfect hot tub temperature. I was told how to touch someone just right."

    Dream smiled widely. "That's something I'd love to test," he said.

    "Maybe later," Liu Xi dismissed him. "When is this class you have to teach?"

    "Tomorrow," he replied.

    She shrugged slightly. "I can go with you," she suggested. "If you behave yourself."

    He laughed. "No promises," he said, "I am an agent of chaos. But I'll try."


TO BE CONTINUED?

-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2005 by Jason Froikin, and may not be
-- reprinted without permission.
-- Liu Xi Xian is (C) 2005 by Jason Froikin, all rights reserved
-- All other characters property of their respective owners

Post By Anime Jason presents a hopefully decent interaction with CSFB! and Liu Xi Sat Aug 27, 2005 at 12:11:47 pm EDT	Subject Adventures In Parodyverse: Adult Education

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